Steps in Relationships. (to me)

My friend Amy tells me that "communication fails." I always thought this was an interesting theory. She explained that we each go through different experiences that shape the meaning behind words and our point of view on life and people around us. Since we all go through our own experiences, no matter how much we try to describe what we mean, the listener will interpret what the speaker says based upon their own personal experiences. Thus, the real meaning is lost and communication fails. That is why I say pay attention to more what I do then what I say because actions show character.

Despite the communication failure theory, I still think talking and honest open communication is very important. We will never understand where someone is coming from unless they explain it to us. The only way we will every truly understand is with the guidance of the spirit. Christ has experienced what we all have gone through and therefor can communicate to us through the spirit what we need to know and understand about someone. I have felt that on multiple occasions.

For those who want to know me a little better, I have decided to attempt at describing what different action mean to me. In the process, I think I will understand myself just a little bit better.

1. Short Eye Contact aka Eye flirting. If this happens several times within an our, go talk to them!
2. Long Eye Contact If you hold eye contact with someone for more that a 5 seconds, either you are a missionary or you like this person. There is something about eye contact that makes me feel like someone is staring into my soul and breaking down some kind of invisible barrier. It does not mean "I want to kiss you." Whoever had that idea was wrong.
3. Short Hug Just friends... simply put.
4. Long Hug Either you are family or they are saying that their time with you has been amazing. They don't want to let go because that means saying goodbye and they are avoiding that.
5. Compliments Coming from the right person, it makes me feel adored. It causes me to want to shower that person with more of my attention and love.
6. Back and Hand Massages For me, this is a way to serve those I care for. It can be a little flirty too because I want to show off my skills. ;)
7. Random Texts I am thinking of you.

====This is where things move from I think you are pretty cool to I like you===

8. Cuddling I feel comfortable around you.
9. Private hand holding I want to get to know you more and see where this leads down the road.
10. Long Conversations Communication is important to me. If I can talk with someone for a long time, that definitely shows how interested I am in the person. That time talking reveals a lot and shows a connection that I might have with them. It shows how well someone can listen to me and how well we can relate. If you can't relate, the relationship fades, thus showing that this person is not worth your time.
11. Giving gifts I would not spend money on someone else's husband for noreason. I have to really really like the person to buy them something and to go out my way to do cute surprises. When someone does this for me, it signifies that they really like me. But it does not make me feel loved.
12. A kiss on the cheek I really like you, but I respect you enough to not kiss you until I am committed.
13. Glances and nudges in public. Even though I can't be near you right now, I still want you to know how much you mean to me.
14. Future Plans This is a hint that leads to a more committed relationship. It shows that the person is planning on having you in their life for a while. If this is done more "just for fun," it feels like leading the other person on.
15. Jealousy This is a good key indicator that if you do not like seeing someone you like with someone else, you might want to have a DTR. I feel flattered if a guy gets jealous (if I like him... otherwise I feel bad) because it means he doesn't want to see me with anyone else but himself. If I am jealous, I usually want that guy to become my boyfriend. (*point on usually)

---------This is the line where things move from "I like you." to "I want to date you." in my book.-------

16. Public hand holding I want everyone to know how much I like you because I do not want others to date you. You are mine and I am proud of it.
17. A small peck You are special to me.
18. A long kiss I am falling for you.
19. A hello/goodbye kiss I missed you/ I am going to miss you.
20. Saying "I love you" To me this means "I really can see this going somewhere special and I want to give this relationship as much as I can. My happiness is reliant on your happiness." It is a phrase filled with commitment.
21. Sacrifice I real relationship takes sacrifice. It is no longer about me and what I want. If I love someone, I will do whatever I can to make them happy whether it is making them lunch and taking it to them out of my way, running an errand for them, moving my schedule to fit theirs because they are busy with school or work, etc. A healthy relationship is where both people make sacrifices for each other and it is not just one sided (I have seen that happen to a lot of people and it falls apart if it is one sided)
22. Intro to the family By intro, I mean actually spending time and hanging out with the family. Not a quick intro. It means that this is someone who I want my family to get to know because I think it is possible they could become something more in the future and I want my family's opinion about them. (of coarse this can be dependent on whether or not you were just friends when you met them or not... it is a good chance to see them for who they really are... and thus could be in the "I like you" section as well. That is not normally the case for me though.)

I don't know when I changed, but that line was very fuzzy a few years ago. The more I date, the more I realize how much different actions mean to me. To be honest, even I am not perfect in following my own definitions of what each action means to me. I sometimes get caught up in the moment and skip over a step and fumble. But I do know that actions speak louder than words. I guess I am defining these because I have gone on 1000s of dates in my life and there are a lot of misinterpretations which only lead to sorrow and confusion. I do not want to kiss a guy just because we had a really fun date. I want to kiss a guy because I have fallen for him and he is someone I can see myself with for quite some time. I want holding hands, cuddling, and all that cute stuff that comes with dating to actually mean something to me. I do not want to turn back into that "cuddle slut" I called myself before my mission because I am a daughter of God and I do not think he would be happy if he saw mine or anyone else's actions leading someone on to getting hurt later down the road.

I guess the key to a real relationship moving at the correct pace and being interpreted correctly is through the spirit. Just as I said, where communication is misunderstood, the spirit can fill in the gaps and lead us in daily decisions. The hard part is following those promptings and being open for the chance that we could get hurt as well. Healthy humble communication is a work in progress. At least now any guy who reads this blog will understand what they should/n't do when dating me.