My mind is a mess. It is a tangled web of confusing that not even I can figure it out. Why do i think the way I do? Half of the time I don't know why I did what I did in the past. There are so many times that I surprise myself and find a new discovery that I never knew about myself. I guess it is because I am still growing and I never stop and I am constantly changing... in a sense.
For example, I am sitting in my friend's kitchen and they are droning on about who knows what, right? I start looking around the room out of boredom and notice the grain in the wooden table. Then I start wondering "I wonder what type of wood this is made out of?" or "is this soft or hard wood? Can I dig my nail in it?" Why in the world is my woods class coming to mind? And again.. I am taking my normal bus ride to campus and we drive by multiple houses and I find myself wondering "What type of house would that be? Victorian? Contemporary? Ranch?" Stupid architecture class! One more example. A few weeks ago I was up at Beaver Resort learning how to Snowboard. My first time down the hill I didn't know how to stop and literally ran head on into this poor girl who couldn't get out of the way in time. Now why in the world on my drive home did I think to myself "I wonder with how fast I was going and my mass, how fast we traveled together the moment we collided with each other?" I am sorry, but this is NOT right! My mind is so strange.
Which then makes me think... wow... I live on campus at least 50 hours a week and work 20 hours and then apparently, when I am supposed to be having fun, school still runs my life!
Many readers right now are probably thinking I am nuts! or boring... and nerdy. I guess I am a little nerdy, but that is beside the point. I just want to know why my mind is the way it is. Why doesn't History or Biology make any sense to me? Why is it that I am an Engineering major yet I absolutely love dancing. To me, they don't even fit into the same category. I guess I need to stop looking for the logic and just face the truth...
... I think WAY too much... about everything...
Why do I think so much? Most girls do I have noticed. We really shouldn't because then we over think and read into everything and our judgment becomes impaired. Guys minds are so much more simple. They say things how they are and can only think of one things at a time instead of jumping from topic to topic like girls do. If everyone thought like a guy, life would be so much more simple. I guess that is why I enjoy hanging out with guys more than girls... and their communication habits tend to rub off on me (a little) so now I try my best to be blunt with my feelings instead of beating around the bush. See... one step closer to thinking like a guy, right? <--this is obviously over thinking.. haha
Well, that is all for today. I hope you had fun with my rambling and learning more about my logical yet non-logical mind. :)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Moments in Time
Throughout my life, when dating life gets frustrating, there have been moments in time where non-LDS life seems so much more enjoyable before getting married. I could do whatever I wanted, date someone who has an amazing personality even though they aren't temple worthy... I know plenty of guys I would be interested in if this were the case, and since I would be able to live with guys/ "move in," I would be able to know if it was right before running off and getting married so young. No wonder they see LDS people as odd.
As I said, these are just moments in time. I love being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. No, I don't have all the answers... but I know without a doubt in my mind that this gospel holds the truth. How do I know? I have faith. I have felt the holy ghost in my life countless times.
There was a time in my life where I questioned the church. I had just moved away from home and finally had to make decisions for myself. I found myself not going to church, hanging out with a more party type crowd and making decisions I deeply regret to this day. Of coarse, at the time, I couldn't care less... then one night I started asking myself "where is my life going?" I felt empty and had no direction, so I started searching. I hung out with people who didn't believe in a God, someone who was a Scientologist, and others who believed in Christ but not everything the LDS church counseled us to do (that is where I fit in at the time). But over time, i started hanging out with my neighbors across the hall in my apt. They were a lot of fun, and for some reason I found myself most happy in their presence. After several months, they started getting me to go to FHE again and eventually Sacrament. Before I knew it, i wanted to go... not just for my friends, but for myself. Sure, I still kinda felt like an outcast, but what everyone else thought about me didn't matter... I was finally becoming truly happy again. After what felt like a long process, I finally started taking the sacrament again and received my temple recommend. I never before appreciated what blessings come with the temple. I made a promise with my Heavenly Father then that I would marry someone who I could be sealed to in the temple and honors their covenants.
A couple days ago I was reading a talk by Elder Nelson and he said
This quote is so true. I do not feel held down by being a member of the LDS church. Why would I feel burdened by such a wonderful blessing in my life? I don't. I feel happier and safe and so sure. When I think about the future, I see myself married to a worthy priesthood holder. He may not be perfect, but no one is. Someone once insisted I was looking for a "cookie cutter" boyfriend, but I am sorry, that is completely untrue. To me, getting married in the temple is the MOST important thing in a man I seriously date. Besides that specific quality of being temple worthy, if I can get along with them and am happy, then I will surely give them a chance.
My last blog might have sounded a little depressing... because I was a little depressed I guess. But I have faith that even though I have hard times, Heavenly Father will lead me in the direction I need to be.
As I said, these are just moments in time. I love being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. No, I don't have all the answers... but I know without a doubt in my mind that this gospel holds the truth. How do I know? I have faith. I have felt the holy ghost in my life countless times.
There was a time in my life where I questioned the church. I had just moved away from home and finally had to make decisions for myself. I found myself not going to church, hanging out with a more party type crowd and making decisions I deeply regret to this day. Of coarse, at the time, I couldn't care less... then one night I started asking myself "where is my life going?" I felt empty and had no direction, so I started searching. I hung out with people who didn't believe in a God, someone who was a Scientologist, and others who believed in Christ but not everything the LDS church counseled us to do (that is where I fit in at the time). But over time, i started hanging out with my neighbors across the hall in my apt. They were a lot of fun, and for some reason I found myself most happy in their presence. After several months, they started getting me to go to FHE again and eventually Sacrament. Before I knew it, i wanted to go... not just for my friends, but for myself. Sure, I still kinda felt like an outcast, but what everyone else thought about me didn't matter... I was finally becoming truly happy again. After what felt like a long process, I finally started taking the sacrament again and received my temple recommend. I never before appreciated what blessings come with the temple. I made a promise with my Heavenly Father then that I would marry someone who I could be sealed to in the temple and honors their covenants.
A couple days ago I was reading a talk by Elder Nelson and he said
"With each ordinance is a covenant—a promise. A covenant made with God is not restrictive, but protective. Such a concept is not new. For example, if our water supply is not clean, we filter the water to screen out harmful ingredients. Divine covenants help us to filter out of our minds impurities that could harm us. When we choose to deny ourselves of all ungodliness, we lose nothing of value and gain the glory of eternal life. Covenants do not hold us down; they elevate us beyond the limits of our own power and perspective."
This quote is so true. I do not feel held down by being a member of the LDS church. Why would I feel burdened by such a wonderful blessing in my life? I don't. I feel happier and safe and so sure. When I think about the future, I see myself married to a worthy priesthood holder. He may not be perfect, but no one is. Someone once insisted I was looking for a "cookie cutter" boyfriend, but I am sorry, that is completely untrue. To me, getting married in the temple is the MOST important thing in a man I seriously date. Besides that specific quality of being temple worthy, if I can get along with them and am happy, then I will surely give them a chance.
My last blog might have sounded a little depressing... because I was a little depressed I guess. But I have faith that even though I have hard times, Heavenly Father will lead me in the direction I need to be.
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same." - Flavia Weed.I guess all these guys that have been in my life have helped me become who I am today and that is all that matters. I am happy with who I am right now and one day I will find someone who I love with all of my heart.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Why I Hate Men!
Why do I hate men? Well, I guess I don't hate them, but I sure don't trust them either. Or maybe I trust them too easily... who knows.
Anyway, it all started with my dad. Growing up I was a "daddy's little girl" and would do everything with my dad. Then when my parents divorced, he just up and left me to move to Chicago and I didn't hear from him for over a year. I was crushed and couldn't stop crying after he moved out of the house because my daddy had just abandoned me! I haven't completely trusted him ever since. He is the type of guy who will say one thing and never follow through... making me not trust a single promise that comes out of his mouth. And now 8 years later, I still don't have a good relationship... oh well. And what sucks is that now whenever I meet a half decent guy, I am immediately on defense and if I see any of my dad in them, I don't trust half of what they say and get scared away.
Now I should explain why I don't like army men, no offense if one of you might be reading this. For some reason I always find myself attracted to guys and later find out they are in the army or want to be. I have dated too many of these and all of them turn out to be fickle in a sense. Yes, they are hard workers, but they make life decisions too quickly and never take time to seriously think about things. This alone makes a long distance relationship with one way too hard and I don't think I could ever do it again.
Which brings me onto the next thing that has ruined my view of men... long distance relationships. It seems all my relationships turn into this, and now I will NEVER do it again. I waited for a missionary for 2 whole years. I wrote him almost every week... sometimes even twice a week. We talked about marriage and how life would be when he came home and how much he loved me and wanted to hold me in his arms.
(I'll stop before I get too mushy)
Anyway, it feels like it was all a lie. He came home and the man in the letters was not there at all. He told me I should stop waiting for him, that there was someone better out there for me, and he didn't love me "that way" anymore. Coming from a guy who I wanted to marry... this hurt more than anything else. I regret ever waiting for him... because of this I couldn't completely date anyone else and turned down a lot of guys for him.. for this man who I thought was the most amazing guy in the world. He balanced me out, my family LOVED him, and he was every thing I needed.. and within moments, my future went *POOF* What I am trying to say is, there is no perfect out there. Now when I find someone who I think is just SO amazing, I will probably second guess myself a lot.
Another long distance story was this guy in Idaho. He was my "boy twin" or as close as it gets. We had everything in common from our fav ice cream to least fav food to fav movies and music and hobbies and habits and we got along amazing! Everything was picture perfect until I returned to Utah for school and slowly long distance tore us apart. I could come up with a billion excuses as to why, but point blank... long distance takes A LOT of work, and if you don't give it your all and put as much time into the relationship as you would if they were there, it probably wont work. It is called commitment!
So lets summarize so far, I don't want someone like my dad or a soldier or long distance. You think that would be easy in a college town filled with who knows how many singles, right? wrong! I have this "bar" I have set from past experiences, and every guy who fits that bar considers me as "just friends" or "one of the guys." This happens far too often for me to even count. But I guess that is what I get for hanging out with guys all the time (girls have WAY too much drama for me.. I can barely handle my own).
I don't think I have really stated why I hate men right now though. Lets see... within the past month I have been rejected by 3 guys. One being a man in my classes who I have been friends with for over a year and definitely has all these qualities I am looking for. This was a "just friends" situation. Second was my ex in Idaho.. who apparently has another girlfriend now. The third would be the one I wanted to be with most of all... my missionary. Is it just me? What am I doing wrong? Why would I get turned down so much within such a short period of time between each of them. I don't understand. Therefor, I hate men.
I am done looking to get married... I am just going to go back to having fun until I graduate in 2 more years and move away from here! Besides I have a great group of friends right now! None of which want to get married for at least 4 or 5 more years! It is perfect! haha... they are the only reason I have been able to survive this past month and kept a smile on my face. :)
Anyway, it all started with my dad. Growing up I was a "daddy's little girl" and would do everything with my dad. Then when my parents divorced, he just up and left me to move to Chicago and I didn't hear from him for over a year. I was crushed and couldn't stop crying after he moved out of the house because my daddy had just abandoned me! I haven't completely trusted him ever since. He is the type of guy who will say one thing and never follow through... making me not trust a single promise that comes out of his mouth. And now 8 years later, I still don't have a good relationship... oh well. And what sucks is that now whenever I meet a half decent guy, I am immediately on defense and if I see any of my dad in them, I don't trust half of what they say and get scared away.
Now I should explain why I don't like army men, no offense if one of you might be reading this. For some reason I always find myself attracted to guys and later find out they are in the army or want to be. I have dated too many of these and all of them turn out to be fickle in a sense. Yes, they are hard workers, but they make life decisions too quickly and never take time to seriously think about things. This alone makes a long distance relationship with one way too hard and I don't think I could ever do it again.
Which brings me onto the next thing that has ruined my view of men... long distance relationships. It seems all my relationships turn into this, and now I will NEVER do it again. I waited for a missionary for 2 whole years. I wrote him almost every week... sometimes even twice a week. We talked about marriage and how life would be when he came home and how much he loved me and wanted to hold me in his arms.
(I'll stop before I get too mushy)
Anyway, it feels like it was all a lie. He came home and the man in the letters was not there at all. He told me I should stop waiting for him, that there was someone better out there for me, and he didn't love me "that way" anymore. Coming from a guy who I wanted to marry... this hurt more than anything else. I regret ever waiting for him... because of this I couldn't completely date anyone else and turned down a lot of guys for him.. for this man who I thought was the most amazing guy in the world. He balanced me out, my family LOVED him, and he was every thing I needed.. and within moments, my future went *POOF* What I am trying to say is, there is no perfect out there. Now when I find someone who I think is just SO amazing, I will probably second guess myself a lot.
Another long distance story was this guy in Idaho. He was my "boy twin" or as close as it gets. We had everything in common from our fav ice cream to least fav food to fav movies and music and hobbies and habits and we got along amazing! Everything was picture perfect until I returned to Utah for school and slowly long distance tore us apart. I could come up with a billion excuses as to why, but point blank... long distance takes A LOT of work, and if you don't give it your all and put as much time into the relationship as you would if they were there, it probably wont work. It is called commitment!
So lets summarize so far, I don't want someone like my dad or a soldier or long distance. You think that would be easy in a college town filled with who knows how many singles, right? wrong! I have this "bar" I have set from past experiences, and every guy who fits that bar considers me as "just friends" or "one of the guys." This happens far too often for me to even count. But I guess that is what I get for hanging out with guys all the time (girls have WAY too much drama for me.. I can barely handle my own).
I don't think I have really stated why I hate men right now though. Lets see... within the past month I have been rejected by 3 guys. One being a man in my classes who I have been friends with for over a year and definitely has all these qualities I am looking for. This was a "just friends" situation. Second was my ex in Idaho.. who apparently has another girlfriend now. The third would be the one I wanted to be with most of all... my missionary. Is it just me? What am I doing wrong? Why would I get turned down so much within such a short period of time between each of them. I don't understand. Therefor, I hate men.
I am done looking to get married... I am just going to go back to having fun until I graduate in 2 more years and move away from here! Besides I have a great group of friends right now! None of which want to get married for at least 4 or 5 more years! It is perfect! haha... they are the only reason I have been able to survive this past month and kept a smile on my face. :)
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Welcome
Hey, so I have officially been inspired by my friend Brandon to start a blog. I kept one in highschool, but after taking a look at that one, I simply laughed at how ridiculous I was and decided to start a new one. To start, I will introduce myself.
My name is Kendra Mikel Jenson. I am 20 years old and will finally turn 21 this July while everyone is away for the summer and most likely wont remember that the 29th is the most amazing day out of the entire year because it is all focused on ME!!! haha.. jk... it is simply another day of work, of life, or whatever else seems to be happening. Right now I am a Senior creditwise yet I find myself with 2 years left of college! I will be a Super Super Senior BABY!!! YEAH! Why am I in college so long? Well, I originally was a Civil Engineering major for 1.5 years and hardly any of those classes transferred over to my current major in Engineering and Technology Engineering.
Yes, I am a nerd, and that is a fact.
You want all the facts? Well, I am a girl who enjoys math, was in the chess club in Jr. High, get excited when I start talking about Land Surveying, know what a GNandM code is for robots, loved using Autocad in my drafting and architecture classes, etc. Do I have you convinced? Oh, and I don't mind playing video games at all... which I probably shouldn't admit. Too late!
Besides the nerdyness, I think I am a pretty awesome person! haha... jk. I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah and although I had a great life growing up there, I don't ever want to live there. It is too crowded for me.... small towns have definately grown on me. :) And if I am still single when I graduate, I want to travel and try living somewhere else for a while. Heck, people I meet from outside of Utah tell me I don't act like I am from Utah. I take that as a compliment for some reason.
Some random facts about me: I love movies. I own over 100 and if I had more money I would definately own more. I have mood eyes... meaning the color of my eyes changes with my mood. It makes it kinda hard to hide me feelings from anyone that knows this evil secret... which would now be whoever is reading this. I LOVE dancing! If I could I would minor in it. Dancing is my freedom. It is the way I get out emotion and express myself and simply have fun. I played the violin for 8 years and piano for 4 and choir for 2 and just started guitar a little over a year ago and love it. Music is amazing to me. I sometimes break out into random song or dance! :D
There is so much more about me, but some things are just meant to be learned. I love my family TONS! My mom and sisters are the best thing that have ever happened to me. Well, that is it for today. I will start some real topics next time!
My name is Kendra Mikel Jenson. I am 20 years old and will finally turn 21 this July while everyone is away for the summer and most likely wont remember that the 29th is the most amazing day out of the entire year because it is all focused on ME!!! haha.. jk... it is simply another day of work, of life, or whatever else seems to be happening. Right now I am a Senior creditwise yet I find myself with 2 years left of college! I will be a Super Super Senior BABY!!! YEAH! Why am I in college so long? Well, I originally was a Civil Engineering major for 1.5 years and hardly any of those classes transferred over to my current major in Engineering and Technology Engineering.
Yes, I am a nerd, and that is a fact.
You want all the facts? Well, I am a girl who enjoys math, was in the chess club in Jr. High, get excited when I start talking about Land Surveying, know what a GNandM code is for robots, loved using Autocad in my drafting and architecture classes, etc. Do I have you convinced? Oh, and I don't mind playing video games at all... which I probably shouldn't admit. Too late!
Besides the nerdyness, I think I am a pretty awesome person! haha... jk. I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah and although I had a great life growing up there, I don't ever want to live there. It is too crowded for me.... small towns have definately grown on me. :) And if I am still single when I graduate, I want to travel and try living somewhere else for a while. Heck, people I meet from outside of Utah tell me I don't act like I am from Utah. I take that as a compliment for some reason.
Some random facts about me: I love movies. I own over 100 and if I had more money I would definately own more. I have mood eyes... meaning the color of my eyes changes with my mood. It makes it kinda hard to hide me feelings from anyone that knows this evil secret... which would now be whoever is reading this. I LOVE dancing! If I could I would minor in it. Dancing is my freedom. It is the way I get out emotion and express myself and simply have fun. I played the violin for 8 years and piano for 4 and choir for 2 and just started guitar a little over a year ago and love it. Music is amazing to me. I sometimes break out into random song or dance! :D
There is so much more about me, but some things are just meant to be learned. I love my family TONS! My mom and sisters are the best thing that have ever happened to me. Well, that is it for today. I will start some real topics next time!
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