Moments in Time

Throughout my life, when dating life gets frustrating, there have been moments in time where non-LDS life seems so much more enjoyable before getting married. I could do whatever I wanted, date someone who has an amazing personality even though they aren't temple worthy... I know plenty of guys I would be interested in if this were the case, and since I would be able to live with guys/ "move in," I would be able to know if it was right before running off and getting married so young. No wonder they see LDS people as odd.

As I said, these are just moments in time. I love being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. No, I don't have all the answers... but I know without a doubt in my mind that this gospel holds the truth. How do I know? I have faith. I have felt the holy ghost in my life countless times.

There was a time in my life where I questioned the church. I had just moved away from home and finally had to make decisions for myself. I found myself not going to church, hanging out with a more party type crowd and making decisions I deeply regret to this day. Of coarse, at the time, I couldn't care less... then one night I started asking myself "where is my life going?" I felt empty and had no direction, so I started searching. I hung out with people who didn't believe in a God, someone who was a Scientologist, and others who believed in Christ but not everything the LDS church counseled us to do (that is where I fit in at the time). But over time, i started hanging out with my neighbors across the hall in my apt. They were a lot of fun, and for some reason I found myself most happy in their presence. After several months, they started getting me to go to FHE again and eventually Sacrament. Before I knew it, i wanted to go... not just for my friends, but for myself. Sure, I still kinda felt like an outcast, but what everyone else thought about me didn't matter... I was finally becoming truly happy again. After what felt like a long process, I finally started taking the sacrament again and received my temple recommend. I never before appreciated what blessings come with the temple. I made a promise with my Heavenly Father then that I would marry someone who I could be sealed to in the temple and honors their covenants.

A couple days ago I was reading a talk by Elder Nelson and he said

"With each ordinance is a covenant—a promise. A covenant made with God is not restrictive, but protective. Such a concept is not new. For example, if our water supply is not clean, we filter the water to screen out harmful ingredients. Divine covenants help us to filter out of our minds impurities that could harm us. When we choose to deny ourselves of all ungodliness, we lose nothing of value and gain the glory of eternal life. Covenants do not hold us down; they elevate us beyond the limits of our own power and perspective."

This quote is so true. I do not feel held down by being a member of the LDS church. Why would I feel burdened by such a wonderful blessing in my life? I don't. I feel happier and safe and so sure. When I think about the future, I see myself married to a worthy priesthood holder. He may not be perfect, but no one is. Someone once insisted I was looking for a "cookie cutter" boyfriend, but I am sorry, that is completely untrue. To me, getting married in the temple is the MOST important thing in a man I seriously date. Besides that specific quality of being temple worthy, if I can get along with them and am happy, then I will surely give them a chance.

My last blog might have sounded a little depressing... because I was a little depressed I guess. But I have faith that even though I have hard times, Heavenly Father will lead me in the direction I need to be.

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same." - Flavia Weed.

I guess all these guys that have been in my life have helped me become who I am today and that is all that matters. I am happy with who I am right now and one day I will find someone who I love with all of my heart.