Why I Hate Men!

Why do I hate men? Well, I guess I don't hate them, but I sure don't trust them either. Or maybe I trust them too easily... who knows.

Anyway, it all started with my dad. Growing up I was a "daddy's little girl" and would do everything with my dad. Then when my parents divorced, he just up and left me to move to Chicago and I didn't hear from him for over a year. I was crushed and couldn't stop crying after he moved out of the house because my daddy had just abandoned me! I haven't completely trusted him ever since. He is the type of guy who will say one thing and never follow through... making me not trust a single promise that comes out of his mouth. And now 8 years later, I still don't have a good relationship... oh well. And what sucks is that now whenever I meet a half decent guy, I am immediately on defense and if I see any of my dad in them, I don't trust half of what they say and get scared away.

Now I should explain why I don't like army men, no offense if one of you might be reading this. For some reason I always find myself attracted to guys and later find out they are in the army or want to be. I have dated too many of these and all of them turn out to be fickle in a sense. Yes, they are hard workers, but they make life decisions too quickly and never take time to seriously think about things. This alone makes a long distance relationship with one way too hard and I don't think I could ever do it again.

Which brings me onto the next thing that has ruined my view of men... long distance relationships. It seems all my relationships turn into this, and now I will NEVER do it again. I waited for a missionary for 2 whole years. I wrote him almost every week... sometimes even twice a week. We talked about marriage and how life would be when he came home and how much he loved me and wanted to hold me in his arms.

(I'll stop before I get too mushy)

Anyway, it feels like it was all a lie. He came home and the man in the letters was not there at all. He told me I should stop waiting for him, that there was someone better out there for me, and he didn't love me "that way" anymore. Coming from a guy who I wanted to marry... this hurt more than anything else. I regret ever waiting for him... because of this I couldn't completely date anyone else and turned down a lot of guys for him.. for this man who I thought was the most amazing guy in the world. He balanced me out, my family LOVED him, and he was every thing I needed.. and within moments, my future went *POOF* What I am trying to say is, there is no perfect out there. Now when I find someone who I think is just SO amazing, I will probably second guess myself a lot.

Another long distance story was this guy in Idaho. He was my "boy twin" or as close as it gets. We had everything in common from our fav ice cream to least fav food to fav movies and music and hobbies and habits and we got along amazing! Everything was picture perfect until I returned to Utah for school and slowly long distance tore us apart. I could come up with a billion excuses as to why, but point blank... long distance takes A LOT of work, and if you don't give it your all and put as much time into the relationship as you would if they were there, it probably wont work. It is called commitment!

So lets summarize so far, I don't want someone like my dad or a soldier or long distance. You think that would be easy in a college town filled with who knows how many singles, right? wrong! I have this "bar" I have set from past experiences, and every guy who fits that bar considers me as "just friends" or "one of the guys." This happens far too often for me to even count. But I guess that is what I get for hanging out with guys all the time (girls have WAY too much drama for me.. I can barely handle my own).

I don't think I have really stated why I hate men right now though. Lets see... within the past month I have been rejected by 3 guys. One being a man in my classes who I have been friends with for over a year and definitely has all these qualities I am looking for. This was a "just friends" situation. Second was my ex in Idaho.. who apparently has another girlfriend now. The third would be the one I wanted to be with most of all... my missionary. Is it just me? What am I doing wrong? Why would I get turned down so much within such a short period of time between each of them. I don't understand. Therefor, I hate men.

I am done looking to get married... I am just going to go back to having fun until I graduate in 2 more years and move away from here! Besides I have a great group of friends right now! None of which want to get married for at least 4 or 5 more years! It is perfect! haha... they are the only reason I have been able to survive this past month and kept a smile on my face. :)