My KC adventure story.

"It is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all."

Over these past 5 months, I have learned a lot about what is really important and in relationships. Yes, we get excited when we find someone we can talk to for hours on end,they have all these amazing qualities you are looking for, and you find common future goals as well. Cory was an amazing listener, spiritual, gave honest advice, complimentative, observant, thoughtful with his gifts, confident, a hard worker, charismatic, and best of all... he could make me laugh. We also both want to travel the world, could speak Swedish, wanted to raise a family with the same morals, have similar communication habits, and so many other similarities. But isn't that how all relationships begin? People (including me) get over excited about the great qualities and the future that could be that we look past important details.

During our complicated friendship, we spent time singing at retirement homes on Sundays, going to FHE and ward prayer together, telling stories and sharing dreams and goals. He helped me realize that my past didn't dictate my future and I have the potential to become an amazing tool in God's hands and mother for my future family. My confidence grew as I saw that woman staring back at me in the mirror; life around me on our journey blossomed. The more time I spent with Cory, the more I realized how much I wanted him in my life. I tried to date around and just when I almost gave up waiting, he decided to become exclusive with me! How could I, an ordinary girl from Utah, be dating an extraordinary guy like him?

I remember how startled I was when we start talking about marriage quickly into our relationship. I had cold feet and instantly wondered if I was really ready for that kind of commitment. After praying and doing some personal study, I felt in my heart that all I needed was faith in us. That answer carried me over the following month as I learned that a relationship is not about what I want; it is about what the other person needs. The song "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz resonated my thoughts. As our focus changed to enjoying dating each other instead of marriage, I stopped trying to be perfect and somehow our relationship became just that... a relationship. I was happy and my appreciation for Cory in my life was insurmountable.

Over Christmas break we flew to Japan where I was able to meet his family. This trip is unforgettable! We spent more time together than ever before doing all sorts of fun touristy and Christmas things together. Christmas came and Cory gave me the most thoughtful gift ever. He found a book that is out of print that I have been wanting for a few years, "The Gable Faces East" by Anita Stansfeild. Despite this amazing week, old fears came back as marriage talk returned.

I have concluded that in the end, he was just not ready. We had reached a point in our journey where we either had to make that step forward and get engaged or break up. It was a hard choice because I have faith that I could have waited longer until he was ready to take that step. I also feel like you don't need to know 100%... just have faith. He was the first guy I have ever honestly wanted to marry, but it isn't about me. What do I do now? Simple answer: trust in Heavenly Father. He loves his children and although things don't always make sense, he is always watching out for them and will continue to build them up for your future. Elder Jospeh B. Wirthlin explains going through adversity and trusting in God in this great Mormon message: "Come What May and Love It."

A good friend of mine said to me "Heavenly Father would never leave you sad. He will always find someone better for you that makes you happier than the person before you did." Lets be honest; I would not want to marry someone if they would doubt afterwards if they made the right choice or if they were always worried about making me happy. So now I can say that I am grateful that Cory could see what I couldn't and have the courage to love me enough to break up with me so I can find that someone out there who loves me without a doubt. Yes, I am sad... breakups are not easy, but I have a choice to be happy, hopeful, and optimistic. I mean, come on, look at all those handsome RMs walking around Provo! haha. But seriously, I want to be able to move on so that I can look back with happiness and even have a friendship with Cory as well. That is my goal. :) Wish me luck!