Unexpected

“The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations.”

You know how when dating, the people you like don't like you and people you don't like end up liking you? It happens a lot. And because of this, I have had to give the "I just want to be friends" speech more than I ever wanted to. I hate giving it. And I hate receiving it as well, which is why for the past almost 2 months, I have stopped really liking guys. I have this wall up and seem to have stopped looking for anything serious. Yes, I get attracted to guys, but I don't trust them that they will actually try to be a part of my life or want to be around me.

Which brings me to what unexpectedly has happened recently. For the first time in a long time, I was finally happy to not like any guys and to be truly single. I stopped trying to impress anyone and decided I would just try working on myself until Fall semester came around. People say that when you finally stop looking for something, you end up finding it. I feel like this might have happened to me.

I stopped looking for a guy to love and care for me, and then last week someone unexpectedly asked for my number. I didn't think anything of it because I've had plenty ask me for my number and then never call or lose interest within days, but this time was different. This guy was amazing. So far, he has all these qualities I have been looking for plus some things I love that I never thought I wanted. He is definitely not "perfect for me," but no one is. I enjoy just being in his company. And he seems to like having me in his life. Then what is the problem?

The problem is that I put up a wall so I wouldn't be able to be hurt again. Even though we have spent everyday together, I am scared he will suddenly not like me or want me in his life. There are times where I feel like I can't make him smile like I want to. I feel like he has a wall up as well and I would do anything to break it down. I just don't know where to start. I know this sounds cheesy since we have only know each other for a week, but I want him to know how much he means to me. Any suggestions? jk...

I'll figure it out on my own. I want him to like me for me and the ideas I come up with on my own. It just might take some time. Maybe even a whole summer apart where we just focus on our friendship. Both of us are leaving Logan and don't want a long distance relationship because of past relationships, so friends is what we will be. I wonder what will happen come this fall. Unexpected things always happen, and I can say, I am happy this man entered my life.