So... if you hadn't guessed, this is a follow up on my "unexpected" post. Before I get to that, I am going to start somewhere else.... Idaho has been a complete disappointment. I don't know why I looked forward to coming back here. The most exciting thing that has happened to me was seeing my ex boyfriend for the first time in over 4 months. I have been so bored that I have read 3 books already this summer... which is NOT like me at all. I have felt so lonely that honestly, I have cried about it. Pathetic huh? All I seem to find myself doing is talking on the phone to billions of people, one of which was the guy who unexpectedly entered my life who I thought was oh so amazing.
Then why aren't I happy? Oh yeah... because he lead me on. I've never been lead on like this in my life. He would always send me texts that lit up my day. example: "I miss you." or "I wish you could apparate to Vegas so we could take an afternoon nap together." or "When you visit, I'll tell the people I work with that you are my girlfriend so you can come to the pool." or "I miss cooking with you." or "I wish you were here because there are so many places I want to take you and things I want to do." etc. All cute and make me happy. Those are all texts I would only get if the guy likes me, right? Wrong!
Without notice, suddenly he tells me I should only see him as a friend, he wont be taking any kind of time out of his life for me, and he said "logically it makes sense to like you because you have all of these things I am looking for, but for some reason I don't feel anything." He apologized for leading me on and cancelled my visit to Vegas. And then he wonders why I hate guys. I trust them way too easily thinking "he is different." I am only fooling myself.
Yes, I am hurt. But despite how stupid this situation is, he is still an amazing guy to me. He deserves to be with someone who he can't get enough of and he wants to do all he can for. I guess that is not me. I am not going to let this get to me like i have before.. thank goodness I didn't let my guard down completely. I never truely trusted that he would always be there. Besides, although he has all these things I am looking for, he is not my ex who I still can't get over for some reason. Oh wait... I know why. He is EVERYTHING I am looking for (minus a few minor things... haha).
Who knows what will happen? I still have 2 years left of school and my ex has decided to go on a mission (better late than never, right?). Who knows... maybe I can move to where he is when he gets home. Maybe not. I continually wish I knew my future.. the unknown is a scary place. I guess I will just keep trying to improve myself and Heavenly Father will provide the rest. :)
Thanks for listening to the dramatic life of Kendra Jenson. I hope you enjoyed it... as for me, I am playing some softball with my ward tonight! TOODLES!! :D
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Kendra. I know how you feel in some aspects of your post! I was so worried when graduation came because i was diving head first into the unknown and really worried that a belly flop was coming my way, but Heavenly father really does take care of you, and once you see it, it is AMAZING. It sucks to go through things or not get things that you really want, but in the end there really is a reason for it. Sometimes you have to give up something good for something greater. The key to being the very happiest is being positive, wishful, patient and content. you have to dream big and want to go somewhere in life, but be content and positive in your current situation and if you are patient for long enough life seems to work itself out with a little help from the big guy.
ReplyDeleteI've been trying to work on patience... it is one of those things I am not so good at. I like to be in control of where my life is going. I'm working on it though. Besides, whether I like it or not, the unknown has arrived... haha... can't change that now. Thanks for the encouragement! :D
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