Self Discovery

So I decided that attending a singles branch over the summer in my small town has been interesting. Most of the singles there are either older mid twenties or fresh out of high school and maybe a few in between. When I meet these new freshies, I always wonder... "was I really THAT annoying when I graduated?" Sadly, I probably was. Even though it has only been 3 years, I feel like it has been at least 6... I feel old.

Over these past few years, I have become more "me" through self discovery. Each experience I go through or person I meet have made a change in my life and helped me discover who I am or want to be. Sometimes I don't like what I find out and that helps me continually improve myself in whatever ways I can. By "falling" I have become stronger in the gospel. By getting my heart broken and breaking hearts I have found more and more of what I do and don't want in my future husband. By going to school, I have discovered new passions like building robots and programming them.

The new discovery of the day happened at work. Here I was surveying some farm land and we had to back out of a canal road... my partner was not the best at this process to say the least. Then he kept being slow to act all day and I just found myself annoyed a little. I thought my last partner was annoying, but for some reason he still made me laugh and we got along just fine. This year my partner and I are so different... I discovered that I like being in control. When I know I can do something... it is hard for me to sit back and just watch someone else mess up over and over. I wish I were 2 people in these moments so I wouldn't need a partner, but then I might drive myself crazy.. haha.

When I realized I like control, it made complete sense. I like control in life.. in where my life is going, who I date, where I live, what I eat. I don't like being told what to do or have someone do something opposite of what I want. I think it all started because growing up I was a pushover and was the one being bossed around and when I decided that wouldn't happen anymore... it went too far I guess. I never realized it. I don't like being a control freak... :( I want to change. I don't want to be that "controlling girlfriend" or "friend who is only there when it is convenient."

How do I fix it? Service. I don't want to be selfish and have people think i want to the world to revolve around me... because I don't. I want others to be happy. Service is not my best skill, but I want to do more of it. This is a work in progress, but that along with patience will help me a lot. I also need to be more appreciative of what I do have instead of always wanting more in life. Yup... so there is plenty to work on and that will never change. :)