Mission Call!!!

This is the moment you all have been waiting for! Well, it is the moment I have been anxiously counting down to at least. I had tons of people guessing where I would go, but no one got it right. I was utterly shocked when I found out. This place didn't even cross my mind. And where might this amazing place be? I am going to the Stockholm Sweden Mission!!!!

Originally the letter said I was leaving to the MTC Oct 27th. I figured 2 months wasn't too bad. I would get to visit Kalli in Tennessee for 2 weeks after my week long road trip with Anneliesa to California and then maybe visit Logan for a week at the end of Sept and that gave me a good month to get ready at my own pace. I guess I was wrong because the Stake President called up my mom today to tell her that my date on my letter was a mistake. I then had to choose between leaving December 29th or September 29th. Most people think December because I would get to spend Christmas with my family and I wouldn't be so rushed to get ready, but honestly, I DON'T want to wait that long. I want to get out and serve! So I might miss a couple Christmases with my family. I had already come that conclusion and felt at peace with it. Besides, the idea of 2 Christmases in Sweden sounds amazing! So I chose Sept 29th. Yes, I am still visiting my sister in Tennessee... the tickets were non-refundable. So that gives me 2 weeks to get ready... can I do it? I think so. Pray for me! I have lots to do it, but I honestly believe I can. I am needed out there and don't want to put any delay on doing so.

Sweden will be amazing! I decided to do a little research so I know exactly what to expect when I leave the MTC with as much Swedish learned possible in 2 or so months. I found out they are the 2nd most heavy Coffee drinkers in the world. You always seem to find bread, cheese, potatoes, and pork at almost every meal. And it is normal to have sweets available at all times. I hope I don't gain weight.... :S On the plus side, they eat smaller portions and work out more than Americans (according to Wikipedia). Here are some fun random facts: you can't turn right at a red light, the sun rises at 3:30 during the summer and sets at 3:30 during the winter (brrrr), Recycling is taken so seriously they have camera's watching you to make sure it is done properly, on Easter they go trick-or-treating, Sweden is considered the leader in Gender equality, most people in Sweden wear hats with propellers on them (AWESOME!), people go sun crazy wearing bikinis and swim suits and such to get tan when it is only 10 degrees Celsius.. apparently if you don't get some sun you are considered a nerd or sick(crazy people), etc. Well, it looks like I have lots to look forward to. This will be an amazing 18 months!!! :D

Farewell Forever!

How do I summarize my past 3 summers in Idaho? Lonely, boring yet dramatic, self discovery, the best and the worst, claustrophobic, etc. And now that I leave forever tomorrow after I get off work, I am not going to miss this retched town one little bit. Good riddance, farewell, adios, goodbye, ciao, au revoir, sayonara!

I won't miss the rumors. I won't miss the farmboy tough guy attitude all the guys seem to have. I won't miss the stupid Idaho wind. I won't miss having nothing to do... ever.. unless you know someone with a boat. I won't miss the farm smell that lingers everywhere you go. I won't miss a single person here... because no one freakin realizes I exsist outside of singles activities. I won't miss how judgemental people are. I won't miss how expensive it is to visit my real friends in Utah. I won't miss going on work trips every other week. Yes, I made some good memories... and some friends along with those. But the thing is... I don't even talk to them anymore. My 2 friends I made my first summer didn't talk to me when I returned the next year. My friends I made my second summer stopped talking to me when I broke up with my ex which makes me feel like they were never really my friends to begin with. And now the only people I have become friends with this summer are ironically, the ones who moved here from Utah; yet I doubt I will even keep in touch with them. I never want to visit or even speak of this place again. I am done with it all and putting it behind me. What good are these happy memories if these people aren't even a part of your life anymore.

In fact, I am going on a mission soon and plan on saying farewell to a lot more than just a stupid small town in Idaho. These "so called friends" exsist everywhere. In fact, I admit to having been that "so called friend" before that stopped caring about being a part of someone's life. I don't know where I am going with this, but I am saying goodbye to everyone I met at college. I don't plan on you being around when I come home. If you are, great! We'll catch up. If not, good luck with life. Goodbye Corey, you were the one friend I had in my major and now you are getting married. Goodbye Brittnie, you were a great roommate, but I am just invisible everytime you get in another relationship. Goodbye Scott, you were the best boyfriend I have ever had and whoever you end up with will be the luckiest girl in the world. Goodbye all! People move on whether you want them to or not. My big group I had at the beginning of college has all moved on... 2 moved to provo (Nancy and Stacy), 1 to Virginia (Shadie), another joined the sorority (Ashley) and other friends I have made just stink at keeping in contact with me (*cough* Matt *cough*). So goodbye for the billionth time. I will not miss you.

Of coarse I will miss some people, but those are few. There is Anneliesa who is my best friend in the whole wide world! She always is there for me, calls me almost daily, and I have an unspoken bond with that we will have for eternity. There is Amy who gives the best advice and she always knows what to say to lift me up spiritually. There is Katrina who I have known since I was born, and although she is married, we will always be friends forever! And my family will always be there. Without these amazing people, I would be lost. I love them with all of my heart!

The Ugly Truth

The truth can be an ugly thing but so can gossip.... those evil words that people spread and others believe to be true. I have had 1 too many rumors about me lately up in this small town in Idaho. I hate it!  I had always heard that about small towns, but to actually be a part of it is not something I ever thought would happen to me. Too late... I have a reputation now that was forced upon me and I just want to get out of Idaho.

What is this reputation? Well, all these rumors about me are from last summer that I didn't know exsisted until a few weeks ago. One came from the army guy I dated for a month. I thought he was a great guy... I never did anything to make him dislike me I don't think. I thought we were still friends because I say friendly hellos and such at singles ward activities when I see him. We don't hang out or talk on the phone or anything, but I honestly thought he was a great guy. Well, he told my friend (who he didn't know was my friend) that I stalk him and don't stop texting him and calling him and he thinks I am obsesive and annoying. Does that even sound like me? ugh.. it explains why all the guys who are his friends don't even talk to me/ avoid me. Oh well... I could survive with this rumor.

Then a few days ago I was at the house of a guy I just met. He was pretty awesome... and the first guy I have liked in Idaho this summer when I find out his uncle's (who he is living with) sister was the best friend of the lady I have lived with the past 2 summers. Her and I never got along because I always felt like she was judging me, but I didn't think it was that bad. She had told this guy I liked along with who knows who else that I am a "skank" and she is pretty sure I slept with guys while I lived with her friend or whatever. Let me correct this... FALSE! Yes, I date around a lot... sure I even cuddle with guys easily, but I have NEVER slept with anyone! I am a virgin and proud of it baby! And this "skank" attitude she talks about was last summer when I went dating crazy for the first time in over a year and a half... I had a lot of pent up dating cravings... haha. It was also a phase that many people go through... I rarely date anymore and I don't want people to get the wrong idea.

Now that I have straightened out these ridiculous rumors, I would also like to address another ugly truth... Logan used me. I haven't talked to the guy in a month at least and he calls me up yesterday and admits he used me, says sorry, tells me he is no longer going on a mission because he doesn't feel it is right, and he is back together with his ex Amanda who he has been waiting for to return from California and meanwhile he used me because she wasn't there, but it is "okay" because she made out with a guy while she was gone too. He has hurt me more than any guy I have ever met! Just 2 months ago he was telling me how he still loved me and didn't want me to get over him and he would marry me if he could. RETARD! I don't trust him or any other stupid guy out there! I wish he hadn't called me... I wish I had never become attached to the guy... I wish a lot of things. But all I can do now is look to the future...

My bright wonderful future consists of me moving out of Idaho forever and never returning, going on a road trip with my best friend Anneliesa to California and visiting one of my other super good friends Candi, then the Tuesday after I get back from that week long trip, I get on an airplane to Tennessee to visit my sister Kalli for 2 weeks! Meanwhile, I will be preparing for a wonderful mission where I can become a tool in God's hand to help him spread his gospel that has given me more joy than I have ever known!  I can't wait! All this trouble right now is Satan throwing everything he can find at me to make me miserable, but I can get through it! I know I can! Well, I hope you enjoyed my dramatic life!!

Happy Birthday to ME!!

Tomorrow is my birthday! I should be excited, shouldn't I? I mean... I turn 21 for goodness sakes! I am taking the day off and my boss and coworkers simply say "if you wake up with a hangover, it is not my fault." or "I still expect to see you at work Monday even if you are partying all weekend and have a migrane." Simply put, no one believes me when I say I don't, haven't, and never will drink alcohol. Oh well... that doesn't mean I wont party!! My birthdays are always different every year. I plan on them being "just another day," but somehow, something fun and memorable always pops up last moment.

After graduation I don't even remember what I did for my birthday. I probably just spent it with Anneliesa and hung out like we usually did. And if I can remember right, she got me something from the mall I wanted since I paid for her to get her ears peirced when she turned 18.

2nd summer(2 years ago), I worked on my birthday. And while I was at work, I recieved a lovely sprained ankle... but on the bright side, I was up at Grassy Lake Dam in the middle of the forrest near Yellow Stone when it happened and had seen a black bear the day before this lovely event occured! And my coworkers made me a birthday pie. It was very memorable.

Last summer I had just gotten a boyfriend and he gave me some red roses, took me out to dinner, told me he loved me for the first time, and we ate his favorite cake, German chocolate, with his family. I was up on cloud 9 that day, but sadly, I am single again. Birthdays are always more enjoyable when you have a significant other to share it with.

I am pretty excited for my birthday this year, because one of my super good friends Megan is taking me to Lagoon! We are going to have tons of fun. Some might find Lagoon lame, but I grew up going there. I have even had season passes 2 years before. I love the Samari the most next to Wicked! I just love the adrenaline rush you get when you are flying through the air and who knows how many miles an hour! Maybe that is why I love motorcycles, jet skis, etc. I just love the thrill and the wind blowing through my hair!

This weekend will also be pretty exciting because my singles ward is having an all nighter at a boat dock! What couldn't be fun about that? I am only scared about keeping others awake with my horrible sleeping habits...haha... talk about embarrasing. So this birthday should be just as memorable as the previous ones. :)

So if I don't plan on drinking when I turn 21, what can I do that I couldn't do before? All I can think of is actually being able to go into a bar and order delicious bar food, go to 21+ clubs, and VEGAS!!! That is right... in August, Anneliesa and I are going to Vegas on our road trip to California. We don't have anything planned yet, but I am sure it will be loads of fun! But if you know of anything I can do and haven't thought of, let me know! Thanks for reading!

Epiphony about Drama

So I had an epiphony while driving the other day. A song inspired it... I don't know which one though. Anyway, I realized why there is so much drama with a lot of people. In the song it mentioned how you love someone so much, but when you don't feel loved by that person you fill in that void with other emotions which tend to be negative. And why would you want to fill it with those emotions? Well, because part of you WANTS to feel something from that person and since you can't get love, you settle for anything that comes to mind. So in all reality, if you find people that have emotionally hurt you, it is because you really care about what they think and that person means more to you than you even know. And this can be applied to any relationship... whether it is family, friends, or someone you like(ed). Which to me explains why I had such hard feelings towards my dad... because I haven't felt loved for 8 years, and now that is changing. :) And it also explains why I have trouble getting over some ex relationships... because even after breaking up, I want to feel something from them and this results in drama.

So if we don't want drama in our life, we need to come to terms with not feeling loved... which I have done. Over a week ago I completely stopped talking to my ex. Aren't you proud of me? haha.. some might think I will crack and wont be able to do it, but I feel so at peace with this choice for the first time. I don't want to date him anymore and I don't want to be a part of his family even though they are amazing people. And I am happy! :) Also, I saw my "unexpected" guy, who is in Vegas this summer, on Friday and guess what? I didn't want to be with him either! It is such a relief to have closure like this.

Life is great right now! I saw my bestest friend Anneliesa this last weekend and she sure filled my happy cup up, I have made my friendships with my best guyfriend Matt better, the guy I waited for on his mission (Scott) and I are still friends and I feel completely content with it, I am over guys, and I am going on a mission! Also, my birthday is this Thursday, I am going on a road trip with Anneliesa on Aug 20th, and I will be living with my sister Kalli starting Sept. 12th-ish. I have lots to look forward to! :)

Little Things

Many of us feel as if our life is dull, nothing ever happens, and all we do is the same boring routine of our life day after day after day. You are probably right, but there are little things that go unnoticed. I feel like I just work, read, and sleep, so I have decided to take this time to talk about all those unnoticed things in my life  besides me preparing for a mission.

1. My little sister is almost 16. She is now learning how to drive and at first I was really scared being in the car with her. She was slow to react and very hesitant about everything she was doing. I found myself thinking "she's not ready!" but then I think about the driver I was when I was her age. My first time on the road I thought it was so awesome and ended up accidentally driving on the curb real quick... *eek* I guess I have no room to talk, but I find that I am more protective about my younger sister than anyone else I know. I worry about her, and the idea of her growing up scares me. But every time I visit home, she is more and more grown up and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I can only imagine how much harder it will be for me to see my own kids grow up!
2. One of my best friends since I was born got married June 15th (which is also my parent's anniversary) to her the man she has dated for the past 2 years. I've never seen a more perfect couple! They are finally sealed for time and for all eternity in the Salt Lake City temple. I was her bridesmaid/Maid of Honor and it was an unforgettable experience. I was able to plan her batchelorette party, do her hair for both her wedding and her reception on July 10th, and all the little odds and ends my "2nd family" needed help with. 2 completely different days a month a part in celebration of the marriage of these 2 amazing people. I can't wait until I feel that LOVE that everyone describes that is enough to marry the person. I have come close, but not to that extent. 
3. I just finished my 10th book of the summer!  I have read The Host, Pride and Prejudice, First Love and Forever, 2nd Chances, Now and Forever, In Search of Heaven, A Quiet Promise, At Heaven's Door, Timeless Waltz, and The Gable Faces East. I have become hooked on reading!
4. Slowly I have made a new friend in Burley. Her name in Megan and I didn't realize how much I appreciated her friendship until yesterday. She always brings a smile to my face and I know I will miss her when I move in August.
5. Staying friends is so important to me. As Anneliesa (who calls or texts me literally every day) said "The way I see it is a true friend takes time out of the day to say Hi and see how your doing. It doesn't have to be everyday but that way it shows that they care about you and are interested in your life."  When people show how much I mean to them, it says a lot. One of my good friends told me on Monday that I was genuine and not "fake" when she met me and even though i was dating her brother at the time, she knew we would stay friends no matter what happened. She was right! Another friend told me I am one of the first she can actually turn to talk to and she knows I wont turn on her like other people have. Knowing that these people care about me and to say these kind words to me touched me and made me feel very much less alone. I have friends out there who care about me no matter where I am or what I am doing. Actions speak a thousand words, and these along with many others I will never forget.
6. I went back to my natural hair color a couple weeks ago. At first I missed my blonde highlights a ton! But it is actually growing on me! I am happy to be a brunette again! :)
7. I recently spoke to my dad. And if you read my "why I hate men" blog, you will know I don't have kind feelings towards him, but I saw him a week ago for the first time since Christmas and we talked about everything that has come in between us, and for the first time I forgave him for how much he hurt me. He had no idea and people make mistakes. We decided to start over and talk more often. I still have trouble trusting that he will follow through, but it is a start and I pray that things will get better between us.

Those little things that happen always go unnoticed. I need to appreciate what goes on around me more often. Like that person who stops so I can cross the street, or my roommate who gave me the best rent price you could ever find in Burley, or maybe the future that keeps me hopeful, or the music I listen to and movies I watch, along with a healthy body, and let's not forget my mom who always has such great advice and my sisters who always want me to come visit and stay with them. There is so much to be grateful for! I love my life and I would never want to change anything (except for maybe taking the past out of the present and leaving it where it belongs... in the past). 

Preparation

Life makes me laugh sometimes. Not because it is funny, but because you always find those moments where life stinks or is confusing or something wierd or unexpected happens, but you just laugh because laughing makes you feel good and that little act of laughing can go a long way.

That was kinda off topic, but I like laughing, what can I say? Preparing for my mission has been going great. I just got back from visiting my family in Salt Lake City where I was able to visit the Dentist and Doctor for a physical. I passed both with flying colors! (thank goodness... I wouldn't want to have Terberculosis or anything odd like that) The downside... shots. *dun dun dun* I used to think I didn't mind shots, but that is probably because the last time I really had something injected into me was 10 years ago. I changed my mind. i am fine donating blood, but having a tetnus shot, and Hepatitis A and B shots flowing through my arms is not the most pleasant feeling. My right arm was the worst... it felt like a dead limb just hanging there for an hour. Ok, so I could move it, but I refrained from doing so.
On the plus side, I finished my online papers as well, so now the process has been turned over to my Bishop and I will get the special Bishop interview followed by my Stake President interview. Within weeks after that, I should recieve my call in the mail. I can't wait!!! I wonder where I will go... of coarse I want to go foreign... maybe Japan or Australia or somewhere in Europe, but I know I will go where I am needed. Yesterday I read an Ensign by Elder Ronald A. Rasband called The Divine Call of a Missionary. It was from the Priesthood session of this past General Conference and it talked about the process of deciding where the missionaries go. What really stood out to me most was when he said

"As the process began, a picture of the missionary to be assigned would come up on one of the computer screens. As each picture appeared, to me it was as if the missionary were in the room with us. Elder Eyring would then greet the missionary with his kind and endearing voice: "Good morning, Elder Reier or Sister Yang. How are you today?"”

The article also talked about when recieving revelation to where I missionary is supposed to go, the exact same mission is revealed to everyone who helps decide.

"As we were nearing the completion of that assignment meeting, a picture of a certain missionary appeared on the screen. I had the strongest prompting, the strongest of the morning, that the missionary we had before us was to be assigned to Japan. I did not know that Elder Eyring was going to ask me [if I knew] this one, but amazingly he did. I rather tentatively and humbly said to him, “Japan?” Elder Eyring responded immediately, “Yes, let’s go there.” And up on the computer screen the missions of Japan appeared. I instantly knew that the missionary was to go to the Japan Sapporo Mission.

Elder Eyring did not ask me the exact name of the mission, but he did assign that missionary to the Japan Sapporo Mission."

When I read this, the spirit confirmed in that moment that I would be sent where I was needed. The rest of the article gave me a lot of comfort and I got even more excited than ever to serve a mission! I will probably get my call in August, so if you have any guesses as to where I am going, feel free to post them. I have decided that whoever is closest will get my first letter after leaving the MTC and arriving in my mission.

Something else that I thought was quite funny was when I would tell people I have decided to go on a mission. I would start off by getting them all excited by saying I have big news. Most of them all thought I was engaged... haha... if they really knew my life, they would know I am FAR from that. And guess who several of them thought I was engaged to? Logan. It makes sense since we still love each other. He thought it was funny as well. If we wanted to be engaged, we would be, but no, we are both going on missions. And I honestly don't know if I would even want to marry him right now.
The other funny reaction which I find annoying at the same time is guys. I tell them I am going on a mission and suddenly they are interested in me. This makes no sense whatsoever. Oh well, I have made my decision, and few flattering comments and some attention will not disuade me! HA! The remaining reactions would be that of falling off a chair (Logan's mom), happy crying for me, and being so suprised they thought I was joking.

Well, that is my life. Not very interesting, but apparently I have a dozen readers that I didn't know exsisted until I found out they knew I was going on a mission because of my blog. Sorry if my life is dull, but I am really happy that some people are intersted... it means more than you know. Now if only I could get more comments! ;) well, until next time, this is Kendra saying "Don't forget to brush your teeth and say your prayers!" ... haha...